Father.

Another fathers day has come and gone.

For those still lucky enough to have dads, what did you do to celebrate them?
I am one of those lucky souls to still have a dad that I can celebrate with, however my story is a sticky one. Take a step into my time machine, so I can take you back.

Ever since I became a teenager, my relationship has struggled with my dad. Growing up under the hand of an officer has been a pretty difficult one. I remember, a time when I had taken some rolled coins from his coin tub to pay for a fund raiser I had done, but some people hadn’t given me money. He found out, and told me that he was going to take me to jail. I was only 10, I didn’t think that something to tiny would have such a large consequence.

I got kicked out of my house when I was 16, for something that again was so tiny. My dad came home from work early and found me in his bedroom using his computer. I remember him getting so upset that he found me in his room, that he told me to pack a bag call my mom and wait for her on the front porch to come and get me. At that moment, sitting on that front porch in nothing but a t-shirt in the middle of September, all I remember being was just pissed. Why would my dad throw me out for something so I felt was so idiotic. It wasn’t until the car ride back to my moms house that I realized that my dad called my mom, and told her just to keep me for a couple of days, to “teach me a lesson”. I was infuriated, you kick me out of the house at 16 to teach me a lesson, I told my mom I didn’t want to go back. Fuck him. That is the first time I can recall a piece of my heart, that belonged to him breaking.

Eventually, due to some issues I had with my mom, I moved back in with my dad.

When I was 17, I was over living by his rules. I moved out, and in with a couple of “friends”, well…that turned out to be a shit show (this is a story I will tell at a later date). This move, is again another time I recall my heart, which felt like a puzzle losing another piece of my relationship with my dad. I went to California, this decision caused my father and I not to speak for the better part of a year. Probably one of the most heart-breaking things a girl can go through. Imagine calling your dad on fathers day, only for him to ignore your call – you leave a voicemail – only for him to never call you back.

Fast forward a couple years, things with my dad started to get better. We were working on our relationship, I was in need of a car since moving back to Ohio; he was kind enough to co-sign on a loan for me. Now, if you ask him he will have a different story – but after that things started to get bad again. I was working two jobs, one of which caused me to be out until 2 in the morning.  He wasn’t happy with that, and thought that I was staying out to go do hooligan things. At 19 he kicks me out of my house, I had nowhere to live. I resorted to living in my car, that was until I could scramble to get an apartment.

Living in an apartment, with a car payment, insurance, phone bill…you get the drift; on a servers wage was..difficult to say the least. I got behind on, well…everything. My car got repossessed. Remember my heart that I compared to a puzzle earlier, I just lost all the pieces. My relationship with my dad, spun out of control. This resulted in not having a relationship with him for three years. Eventually, it got to the point where I was so miserable, I would call him every other day. Every other day turned into every other week. I just missed him so much, I was depressed; I cried every day.

I loved my dad, I still do.
Now, I’m lucky – we’re starting to rebuild what was broken.

So for all those moments that you think, “Fuck, I hate my parents” or “I can’t wait to move out and be without my parents rules” just remember, one day they wont be there. Cherish all the moments that you can with your parents, cause life sucks without them.

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8 thoughts on “Father.

  1. The dad/daughter relationship is the most important going – it affects how you view relationships with men and can totally mess things up if it isn’t healthy. I have also had a turbulent relationship with my dad and it hurts – glad you are trying to repair the damage x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. Sometimes I don’t think about how my relationship with my dad affects my reaction ship with my SO. I’m sorry you’ve also experienced this.. it’s so painful to go through.

      Like

  2. While growing up I had my ups and downs with my dad. We got in several heated arguments and we both often overreacted. I’m sure everyone goes through phases where they “hate their parents” but I was fortunate enough to maintain a healthy and close relationship with my dad, especially once I got older. He passed away Thanksgiving 2015 and it’s still a very fresh wound. I didn’t get to spend enough time with him. I hope things between you and your father continue to improve, I wish you the best!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Tabitha!

      I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m glad that you guys were able to maintain that relationship. I found out a few months ago that my dad has cancer, and when he told my brother and I that my heart broke.. you never know when the clock is done ticking

      Like

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